Creating & Supporting Your Village

Whether you're an expectant parent or someone looking to support new parents, creating a robust support system—or "village"—is so important. We’re not meant to have and raise babies on our own. Part of your prenatal planning or nesting should really be securing your village. Below we list out some of the advice we gave in Episode 2 on how you can prepare yourself or people in your life when a new baby is about to arrive.

• Do NOT be afraid to ask for help if you are the parent-to-be! Chances are, if there are people in your life who care about you, they'll want to be connected to the new person you've brought into the world and will probably want to help out. Before baby comes, set clear expectations with the people in your life about the kind of help you'll need (i.e. "Hey if you come over to meet Baby, do you mind doing the dishes while you're here?"). Check in with your friends and family about what tasks they may want to do, like laundry or taking your dogs for walks. Especially if there are some people in your life that don't have kids, they may want to help out when baby comes but don't know how, so tell them in advance what kind of help you'll likely need. People can also help before baby comes by helping you unpack and organize baby supplies, setting up a crib, or prepping meals with you - and you can make it fun!

• Episode 2 was inspired by the traditional Chinese medicine tradition of "Sitting the Month"; The practice can vary depending on the country it is being practiced in, but the basic principles are the same: After having a baby, a mother’s body is seen as a blank slate and needs to reset, so for a month she is to stay inside, rest, do no strenuous activity, avoiding washing and touching or consuming cold liquids, and eating specific meals that help the mother heal.

  There’s a lot of focus on warmth, which can contradict western medicine or healing techniques like putting a cold pack in your underwear after having a vaginal birth, but otherwise there’s a lot of consumption of warm meals and teas.

  The core tenet of this practice is that the mother solely focuses on healing and on bonding with her baby. She is surrounded by family that helps care for her home and baby so her breastfeeding schedule isn’t disrupted. If this practice appeals to you, try to plan for having around the clock help for a month after the baby is born. If that's not possible, trying to coordinate help with cleaning, cooking and caring for pets as much as you can ahead of time will be a huge help after baby comes. If you are not someone who has people in your life that can be with you in this first month after your baby is born, look into postpartum doula’s or a newborn care specialist.

• In a similar vein, prep as many meals as you can for your postpartum period or set up a meal train. If you're having a Baby Shower, have a way for people to sign up for a Meal Train then to make it convenient. For setting up a Meal Train, you can use something like a Google Doc or a website like Meal Train (this does have a one-time set-up fee), Take Them A Meal or Give in Kind. Make people aware ahead of time of any dietary restrictions or preferences. If you're the person preparing meals for someone that's pregnant or right after they have a baby, check out our Recipes page for meals that are easy to reheat and eat and are nutritious. Have a plan for how people are going to drop off the meals too, especially if they're coming at a time when you don't want guests (like having a cooler on your porch). If a Meal Train isn't in the cards, ask for DoorDash or UberEats gift cards!

• Do not self isolate. It can be tempting and even valid to think that right after the baby comes that you won't want anyone around except maybe your partner as you transition to your new life with baby. Depending on who it is, this can be valid if you're trying to protect your peace. However, as mentioned above, it's important to acknowledge that we aren't meant to do this alone, and you're probably going to need some help so you and your partner can rest and spend quality time with baby. Take time to answer text messages. Be honest about how you're feeling. People that know you well may also be able to recognize if you are experiencing postpartum depression, anxiety, or (in rare cases) postpartum psychosis. Even adoptive parents (yes, fathers can be affected by these disorders too) can experience these disorders. "Baby blues" may be normal, but if you're having feelings of withdrawal from family/friends, feelings of extreme sadness/irritability/hopelessness, excessive worry or panic, if you're restless or have changes in appetite...These are some symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety, which often occur together (delve deeper into those disorders here). These disorders can pop up anytime a year after giving birth. Once again: Don't be afraid to ask for help, and as much as you can, be open to those close to you suggesting you seek help. If you can, make sure you have a relationship with a therapist or counselor before baby comes, and have some appointments set up for after the baby is born.

Whether you're the parent-to-be or a member of the support system, these steps can help build a safe and welcoming environment for both parents and baby. Stay tuned for more discussions and tips in our upcoming podcast episodes!